Rosemary’s baby
October 25, 2007 – 12:17 pm by CathYou’ve seen Rosemary’s baby. Well, I’m in it. You see, thanks to the fact that I’m now 28 weeks pregnant I appear to have turned into a horror-stricken Mia Farrow, only with oversized norks and knickers that no longer fit.
In fact I’m writing this blog at 4.55 am (although it won’t be posted until I’m lucid enough to sob openly over blog-posting technology). That’s because the baby is treating my bladder like a space hopper and indulging in the sort of sleep-deprivation techniques that have hitherto only been witnessed in deepest Burma (or whatever the country is called these days). Martin finds it faintly amusing, bless his naive soul. But as I explained to him just before the baby booted me out of bed, from now on with every kick said child administers to my delicates I shall twang a bungee rope at his knackers just to show him how it feels. I see it as a father/ child bonding experience.
In fact I have gone further than that and doled out the first punishment to my child. For every attack on my nethers she will have £1 deducted from her piggy bank. She’s currently running a deficit of £465.
And you watch. In my next blog I’ll have the cheek to grumble about the fact that she’s gone quiet. She’s 13 years and three unborn months from becoming a teenager and already she just can’t win. Yup, practice makes perfect.